hahabanana

So, saturday's just gone like that. What a day.

Ever had that feeling of being torn into 2, and it divides, and divides, till all you're left with is a small piece of yourself. All just because you cant seem to make up your mind. Pictures in your head seems to be slowly getting clouded by mist so much so that you don't really know where you're heading to anymore. All you see is yourself, and the quiet road ahead, where nothing really matters.

It's like you're lost and empty, but you know there are people who wanna pull you out from this dark, black hole, and sometimes, helping yourself seems like a chore. Today is probably one of those days where I sit in a corner and indulge in my thoughts. Not really the ideal state of mind but I guess it can be healthy once in awhile.

A : "Ugh, I hate the moment when you might really think you're into a girl that you've met, and you go on toher facebook to get find out more about her and it's listen - She's interested in men "

B: "Dont worry, she's probably in denial, it's totally legit."

- Quoted from tumblr.


I get this very often. Just relating. haha.

Hello thereeeee!! Oh my, how long have I not been here already.

(Actually, I tried logging in a couple of (million) times, but I couldnt get it. Till today, as you can see. So yay! - Honestly, I thought I had lost this blog for good.)

"The best moments are ususally the underrated ones, the ones that are cloaked in the quiet. In the end, these are the kind of things that you'll remember - the things that made you feel human and plugged into someone else. Everything else is just a dressing. "

I seem to have found life in this. This very quote.
It seems to have made a meaning out of everything for me right where I am now, also at the same time, tear them down like a paper shredder, only for me to make a meaning out of it again, and over again. Like life, it's a cycle. Though not as simple as plants. (You know, the photosynthesis, sunlight, blah, blah, blah. What have you.)

There's nothing like having amazing people around you, though sometimes they can get into peculiar hobbies like making diapers for teddy bears. (Ikr, how adorable is that?) But then again, what is enough? I tend to question my thoughts alot, have this little-good-for-nothing debate and end up mentally tired -  All self-inflicted.

Nothing to be surprised about. Just the work of flow. (haha, or so I think)

Hi, its 1.35am in the morning right now. Got my headphones plugged in, playing some french songs. I'd still prefer mozart or some sort of smymphony. But I could still do with this.

I've finally graduated from ITE! Yay! Im heading towards another direction now. Feels kinda complete. Well, this evening, I've caught up with an old friend. She's sucha darling. ( not always ) haha. Im actually copying some files into my thumbdrive and its taking ages. I have no idea what to say or do so I thought this would be a good place to like, you know, say whatever that comes to mind.

So, what have I been doing lately? I've been having hols. Nothing much. Keepin myself busy but there are times where I really have nothing to do and just stay at home all day. Thats all. I bum around, eat, and then go back to sleep. - Thats why im still up at this hour. hahah.

alright. I shall stop here and continue watching videos online! Night world!

HELLO WORLD.

Happy Valentine's Day.  Have you ever been so contented, even without a valentine? I'm beginning to feel my own independence growing. Miss me much.

xoxo

Sometimes, I tend to think things to be as what it isnt it. I wonder whats up with those thoughts, and what I can actually do about them.
I've been in a dilemma for the past few weeks to be honest. It's regarding my education. I just dont know if I shd just take the easy way or go for something more challenging.

I'm been feeling a sense of emptiness for sometime, I wonder if it's because my life lacks mental challenge. I had someone say to me yesterday, "Jamie, why are you always so bubbly and enthusiastic?"  Of course, I took it as a compliment. She might be wondering where I got all my energy from, I suppose. And I said, "Thank you, but really?" Only because I didnt realise it myself. Its causing me to think if my life lacks mental challenge. As in, the studying part. Honestly, I dont really study. I spend my days like that, doing nothing, playing games, I dont even read nowdays. I just want to get physical, as in, participate in an activity that requires me to move about or attain specific points/goals. Thats what I call a "challenge". Something that has to be done but yet can be enjoyed at the same time. But my defination seems to differ from the world, or shoud I just say it differs from the people ard me. They think "challenge" as doing something they do not want to do and still do it eventually. But then, whats responsibility?

I find it interesting and somewhat like a nature in me to expereince all these. Does anyone get this too?

Hi peeps,

Im back to blogging again.... Its sorta like a stress reliever I must say.

You know, many things have been happening of late. But I've been happy. The good ol' happy Jamie. But im not too sure about others. I sometimes wonder if they just want to take me along with them when their unhappy. Just like how sometimes, I do that to others too.

I've learnt alot about myeslf throught the eyes of others. They make me see things that are nearly invinsible (to me) and it's actually very thought provoking. Its like learning about yourself as you learn more about others. This actually, inspires me to pull through with life sometimes. When I'm down, I'd think about the people around me. How much they care and love me, to actually love myself once again. This to me, is a universal paradox.

Then again, I think I've been living in my riddle-filled world. Dont you think so? Everything about me, or even you, is just an abstract of something else, as in an object or a person. So we're not really who we are. They say life is a cycle. I wonder if this is the cycle everyone has been talking about, that I couldnt understand at the age of 12.

Sometimes, I write letters or imagine myself doing something that I will never be able to do. For instance, to tell someone how much I love them. I think 'love' is an emotion, and emotions are diverse. Cause when I keep it in, it flows out elsewhere, in a foreign manner eventually. I imagine, or write a letter, and when I recap the next day, I go like, " WHAT THE CRAP MADE ME THINK OR DO THAT?" Not very pleasent to yell at yourself in that little nutshell but its all worth it at the end of the day. Haha.

I believe everyone (and I mean EVERY-ONE of us) needs some sort of encouragement some how or another, a little pat on the shoulder could mean everything to someone. It's similar to comfort, I feel. But encoragement does not equates to comfort. (Another universal paradox). I guess thats it for today, I've learnt alot about myself whilst typing this. Goodnight world. Love you all.

HELLO WORLD, JAMIE IS A HAPPY GIRL.

Im here feeding my thoughts again. I feel that I have no where else to turn to. Every corner seems like a dead end when I approach it. She feels closer than ever, in everyway that I cannot say. But yet so far. This feeling that amounts to nothingness at the end of the day keeps me human, I suppose. It's good to know im still apathetically alive. But what is life, if I show no emotion? But can I? I have been fighting this for a long time. I just want to go to a place where people are like-minded. Everything they do and say comes up to about the same thing. Maybe then, life will be better for me. I try not to keep it in too much knowing it can come out in many, virulent ways. The more I think about it, the more it feels like a scar that has been left behind so long ago thats always acting up when I encounter something similiar.

"Whether an objective is a man or a meal or something else, we tend to think we choose something of our own initiative. But maybe we dont choose anything at all. Maybe we are just pretending to choose things which have already been aranged in advance. Sometimes, I think our so-called free will might just be an assumption." - Aomame_1Q84